Dr. Gary Chapman has developed what he calls the “Five Love Languages” to describe the things that make people feel the most loved. We each have a preference between “Quality Time”, “Acts of Service”, “Receiving Gifts”, “Words of Affirmation”, and “Physical Touch”. Of the five, love expressed in the recipient’s preferred language is the most recognized and appreciated.
My personal love language is “Quality Time”. It’s not that I don’t appreciate gifts or compliments or hugs. But I feel the most loved when someone makes an effort to spend time with me. I enjoy a real conversation where both of us are focussed on the topic and exchanging our ideas. I am hurt when I try to communicate but find myself ignored or quickly dismissed.
If God could be said to have a “language” that conveys my love to Him, I suspect that He also appreciates quality time even more than the other four. After all, Jesus died so that I could be with God, not so that I could give Him anything or do anything for Him.
How do I know that God wants Quality Time with me?
I’ve written recently about how God is the one who initiates the relationship between us. I’ve also written about how Jesus commanded His followers to “abide” in Him, living in constant connection with Him. Several times during His final prayer for His disciples, Jesus emphasized the close relationship that He wanted to maintain.
This desire continues all the way to the last book of the Bible. In Revelation, Jesus says: “Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me.” (Revelation 3:20)
Jesus isn’t offering to share just food. He’s offering to share time (a lot of it!). It’s the same thing He did with tax collectors Levi (Matthew) and Zacchaeus, the same thing He also did with the Pharisees who were out to get Him. He welcomes everyone who will accept Him to His own wedding feast in Heaven.
During His last meal with His disciples, Jesus promised to prepare a place where we can always be together with Him: “I go to prepare a place for you…I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.” (John 14:2-3)
Everything that Jesus went through was for one purpose: So that we would be able to spend Quality Time with Him!
Note: Is that not absolutely incredible?! The all-encompassing Almighty God, Creator of the Universe, wants just one thing that He can’t (or won’t) obtain for Himself: Me!
Why don’t I give Him that time?
If quality time means “love” to God, as it does to me, that tells me something: Being denied that time hurts Him, as it does me. He is hurt when I ignore or interrupt Him.
And, yet, that is exactly what I so often do.
I belatedly realized that I was guilty of this recently. We bought a new car, a pretty big deal for us. We researched for the model we wanted, compared prices, decided how to finance, and made our choice. What I didn’t do was talk to God about the decision. I don’t know if He wanted me to spend my money and time in that way, or not; I didn’t ask. He has a right to be thinking “You call me ‘Lord’, yet you leave me out of the equation when making a major purchase.”
Why didn’t I share my car-purchase decision-making with God? It simply didn’t occur to me. I wasn’t consciously thinking “He may not like this, so I just won’t tell Him.” (That would be a stupid thing to think, in any case. Like He doesn’t know anyway?!) I was just skipping merrily along, doing my own thing.
That self-centeredness, that “my life is my own” attitude, is probably the most common manifestation of sin in my life. I suspect that is true for most people. We don’t actively rebel; we just ignore. I simply forget that God is there, waiting for me to acknowledge Him.
Do I want to improve? How can I do so?
I want that dynamic to change. I love spending time with God in prayer and Bible study. But I keep putting those things into a slot separate from the rest of life. I give “God time” an appointment slot in my daily schedule, fit in among a zillion other appointments and activities. His slot shrinks — or get skipped entirely — in proportion to the priority I give to all the others.
For one thing, God deserves to have His slot come first, with the highest priority claim on my day. That should be the very best quality time that I give to the One who loves me so much. It should be something that I look forward to, given that He is spending quality time with me, as well.
But also, I need to let God out of that slot. Instead of “God”, then “other stuff”, I need to remember that God is there during the other stuff. If my husband or my best girlfriend was in the room with me while I did laundry, I would be talking to them. I wouldn’t behave as if they weren’t there. I should give God that same courtesy.
I need His help to give Him what we both want.
The truth is that even knowing what I should do, and wanting to do it, are just more than I am capable of on my own. Just as a child gives their parent a gift bought with the allowance given by that parent, my gift to God needs His grace before I can manage it.
My prayer is that He enables me to grow in my ability to give Him more Quality Time each day!
Note: A couple of similar articles on this site are “Focus on God” and “Worship, Glorify, Enjoy“.