When is it a “prayer request”, and when is it simply “gossip”? For instance, requests regularly divulge far more “Protected Health Information” than would be legally allowed by a medical provider under HIPAA rules! 1 It is distressingly easy for genuine concern to morph into prying into personal information and sharing more than is appropriate. How do we find the balance?
We are commanded to pray.
The Bible tells us to be “devoted to prayer” (Colossians 4:2, Romans 12:9-13). That includes asking for what I need, personally. It includes praying for the well-being of someone else (even enemies). It also includes knowing about specific problems affecting others, and praying especially for those. We are promised that God hears and answers those prayers 2.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Philippians 4:6
For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding…
Colossians 1:9, 2 Thessalonians 1:11, Matthew 5:44
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To this end also we pray for you always, that our God will count you worthy of your calling, and fulfill every desire for goodness and the work of faith with power…
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But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…
Is anyone among you sick? Then he must call for the elders of the church and they are to pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord; and the prayer offered in faith will restore the one who is sick, and the Lord will raise him up, and if he has committed sins, they will be forgiven him. Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. The effective prayer of a righteous man can accomplish much.
James 5:14-16, Acts 12:5
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So Peter was kept in the prison, but prayer for him was being made fervently by the church to God.
If you ask Me anything in My name, I will do it.
John 14:14, Matthew 18:19-20
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Again I say to you, that if two of you agree on earth about anything that they may ask, it shall be done for them by My Father who is in heaven. For where two or three have gathered together in My name, I am there in their midst.”
But we are also commanded to avoid gossip.
He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets,
Proverbs 11:13, 20:19
But he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.
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He who goes about as a slanderer reveals secrets,
Therefore do not associate with a gossip.
Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things.
1 Timothy 3:11, Titus 2:3
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Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good…
Paul’s instructions to Timothy and Titus above are directed to women, but are equally appropriate for everyone. (In context, he has sections for men, women, older, and younger.) Notice that he specifies malicious gossip. That does happen occasionally, unfortunately.
But most frequently in the case of prayer requests, it is not malicious. It is mostly — by far — honest concern. But, to use a couple of current acronyms, it can have a strong hint of FOMO (“Fear of Missing Out”) turning into TMI (“Too Much Information”). Sincere loving prayer concerns can become a topic of general discussion: “Did you hear…?” We can start talking about the person along with — or, sadly, instead of — praying for them.
Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.
Eleanor Roosevelt
How do we avoid this trap?
How can we share concerns so that others can join us in prayer, without crossing the line into unwarranted hashing of someone’s personal life? I offer a couple of ideas, that I hope to improve upon in my own life.
Ask Permission
Before I go blabbing “Please pray for my second cousin’s upcoming hysterectomy”, I can ask her what she is comfortable sharing. “May I pray for you?” “It is OK if I tell my church family so they can pray, also?”
Most people would probably welcome all the prayers, and pray-ers, they can get. But they may want to be anonymous, or be left off of social media posts. The courtesy of asking before spreading news would be a way of showing love without invading their privacy.
Respect Confidences
People need, and deserve, to feel safe when sharing an issue in an intimate setting. What someone is willing to tell to just me, or a couple of others, or in a small group like a Bible Study class is not necessarily something they want discussed beyond that small circle. Don’t talk about their concern with anyone outside the circle, unless the original person is doing so or has given permission. “Isn’t it too bad what so-and-so told us in Sunday School”, when said in front of others, is not an appropriate way to “Bear one another’s burdens” (Galatians 6:2).
Limit Details
We don’t need details to pray. We can just lift up someone to God knowing that they need Him. He knows the rest; we don’t have to.
In one of my favorite books 3, character “Jinx Hamilton” describes her best friend “Tori”: If I had called Tori and said, “Bring a shovel,” she wouldn’t have asked if we were planting roses or burying a no-good boyfriend, she’d just show up ready to dig. We can be the praying version of Tori: If someone calls and says to pray, don’t ask if it’s a potential great new job or a fatal diagnosis. Just show up and ask God to work in the situation, whatever it is.
Confession time: I was tested on this recently, and pretty much failed. The prayer request to the text message group said “I need all my praying guys to say a prayer for [name]. Do not try to call. Just pray. God knows why.” The name mentioned could have referred to more than one person in our group. I spent more time wondering “Who is it?” and “What’s going on?” than I did praying. #prayerwarriorfail 😞
Pray always. But do so in a way that glorifies God.
It would be wrong to go to the opposite extreme, and simply stop letting anyone know about a need that could use their prayers. We just need to put God and His will first, then love the one who is hurting and pray for them in Jesus’ name.
Footnotes and Scripture References
- HIPAA is the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act passed by Congress in 1996. Its primary function was to regulate the transfer of health care and insurance when someone moved between jobs. But it is popularly known for its strict privacy standards for medical professionals.
“Protected Health Information” is “an individual’s health, treatment, or payment for treatment information – and any information maintained in the same data set that could identify the individual – when the information is maintained or transmitted by an organization covered by HIPAA.” - With the caveat that the asking is in submission to God’s will. See articles “Why Bother?” and “Why Pray?“.
- “Witch at Heart” by author Juliette Harper