It’s human nature to want to be appreciated. The validation that comes from having our efforts recognized and praised gives our ego a boost. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. The danger is not in the simple pleasure that comes with knowing I’ve pleased someone I care about. Why wouldn’t knowing that I’ve made them happy also make me happy?
The problem is that sin in our world, and in ourselves, has distorted that dynamic to the point that our egos often crave that boost. I know that not everyone enjoys being in the spotlight, the center of attention. But many do. And even those who don’t still wince a bit if they work hard to do something well, but then their work doesn’t get noticed or appreciated.
We see evidence of this need for praise all the time in the cut-throat worlds of entertainment, sports, and politics, of course. But it is not only the big, well-known names that elbow one another aside in order to grab the spotlight for themselves. The same process can be seen in a group of children clamoring for the teacher’s attention. It’s also there in squabbles for dominance in the average workplace.
Sadly, it can even be seen in church, as well: Which program gets advertised on the church marquee? Which musicians get to play or sing most often? Which service gets the most attendance, contemporary or traditional? It’s usually a little more subtle than out in the rest of the world, but the competition for attention and approval is still there.
The danger come on two fronts: 1) Wanting to please anyone else more than I want to please God; and 2) wanting people to notice and admire me more than I want them to notice and admire God. Let’s look deeper at those two dangers.
Wanting to Please Someone Else More Than God
One way to look at this is “Where does my value as a person come from?” The truth is that God’s view of me is what determines my worth, and He says that I am of infinite value, worth the life of His Son. But if I fall for the lie that my worth is determined by my wealth, or my looks, or my status, or my fame, then I will spend far too much time and energy seeking validation from others that I am “enough” 1.
This kind of danger also shows when I go along with the crowd as opposed to standing up for God’s way. From small issues to huge conflicts, Jesus warned that His followers would face opposition (Matthew 5:11-12, Luke 21:12, John 15:18-21). All Christians must be ready to choose whether they will continue to please God when it means displeasing someone other than God.
Being a Christian can be physically dangerous. Just ask the Christians of Nigeria or North Korea. But even in places where there is little physical persecution, like the United States, there is still plenty of cultural opposition. Standing for Biblical standards when they conflict with the currently-accepted narrative can bring repercussions.
Less dramatic, but still painful, decision points come in smaller ways, also: Will I bow in prayer before a meal at a public restaurant? Will I go to church when my family would rather sleep in? Will I give up some financial luxury that the family wants so that the money can go to missions? The people I love the most may be upset with me. Will I let that stop me from putting God first?
Joseph of Arimathea is an interesting illustration for this. Compare the descriptions in Matthew 27:57-60, Mark 15:42-46, Luke 23:50-53 and John 19:38-41:
According to Matthew, Joseph was a rich man who had his own tomb newly carved (not something within reach of the common people). According to Mark and Luke, he was a member of the Sanhedrin, the Jewish high council. Mark even says he was a prominent member of the council. Mark and Luke say that he was “waiting for the kingdom of God”, while Matthew and John say that he had become a disciple of Jesus.
However, John says that he was a disciple in secret “for fear of the Jews”…even though he was a wealthy leader of those Jews. Mark says that he had to “gather up courage” to ask for the body of Jesus so He could be buried in Joseph’s own new tomb 2.
Apparently, Joseph had been reluctant to give up his standing among the Sanhedrin filled with leaders who opposed Jesus, even though he himself believed that Jesus was the Messiah bringing in the kingdom of God they all claimed to want. It took Jesus’ death to break through the hold of worldly popularity and bring Joseph to the point that he cared more about God’s name than about his own standing in the community.
Wanting Glory for Myself Rather than for God
This danger is especially easy for Christians to find themselves entrapped. In the non-Christian world, no one is expected to point toward God by their actions and attitudes. Christians, however, are emissaries of Christ, commissioned to direct others so they can find and accept Him also. At least sometimes, that requires doing things that attract public attention, like preaching or teaching or leading a worship event.
The preachers, teachers, leaders, musicians, administrators, and all others who work to present the Gospel in public must find a difficult balance. They do their best because they want to honor God. But the name on the program is their own. Those who attend are looking at them; after all, they are the ones on the stage in front of the microphone with lights shining on them. It is very difficult to be pleased with a good reception while still deflecting the glory away from themselves and onto God.
Two of Jesus’ disciples, James and John, were slow to learn this lesson. They loved Jesus and wanted to honor Him, true. But they also wanted to be seen while doing so.
James and John, the two sons of Zebedee, *came up to Jesus, saying, “Teacher, we want You to do for us whatever we ask of You.” And He said to them, “What do you want Me to do for you?” They said to Him, “Grant that we may sit, one on Your right and one on Your left, in Your glory.”
Mark 10:35-37
It wasn’t just James and John, either. The Bible records several occasions when all of the disciples had this same idea. Matthew 18:1-4, Mark 9:33-35, Luke 9:46-48, and Luke 22:24-27 describe Jesus attempting to instill His own reverse standard: That the one who serves while putting themself last — as He did — will become the one most approved by God.
John the Baptist got it right. In the buildup before Jesus arrived, John was a celebrity. People came from all over the area to hear his teaching and be baptized by him (Matthew 3:1-6, Mark 1:1-5). But he made sure they knew that he was only paving the way for Someone greater (Matthew 3:11, Mark 1:7-8, Luke 3:15-16).
Then, when Jesus came, John gave way to Him: “He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:26-30). Think how hard that must have been, to gather crowds of followers but then tell them it was time to leave you and follow someone else!
Bottom Line
We all want to be approved, appreciated, loved. Sin makes it difficult for us to look for such things only from God; we look to our fellow sinful humans instead.
It’s hard for self-centered creatures to back off and let someone else shine. But when the “someone else” is Jesus, nothing else is appropriate.
Remembering these most basic of commands given in the Bible can help us keep our pride in check:
You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might.
Deuteronomy 6:5, Matthew 6:33
…
…seek first His kingdom and His righteousness…
Note: For further reading on this topic, I highly recommended the chapter on Pride from C.S. Lewis’ “Mere Christianity“. Here is a link to an online copy of that chapter. He does an excellent job of describing the problems with forgetting our place in relationship to God, and the benefits of keeping a proper perspective.
Footnotes and Scripture References
- Another article on this site exploring this topic is “You are Special“.
- Courage could have been needed to face either Pilate, or the other members of the Sanhedrin. Mostly likely, both of them.