Throughout history, the question of (seemingly) un-answered prayer has always been a difficult one. I come back to it regularly myself.

At church, we distribute “prayer requests” to let people know of specific needs so that they can pray for them knowledgeably. Often the needs are medical issues, but there are many others as well: Financial problems, relationship difficulties, substance abuse tragedies, loved ones choosing to be far from God. To protect privacy, or because the hurts are too deep to talk about, we may simply say that we have a “silent request”, but we still ask our church family to join us in submitting it to God.

We follow up by acknowledging the “praises”, sharing news of good outcomes or resolved issues so that together we can thank God for His answers. But what to do with the issues that hang on for years, or where we don’t see the healing that we asked for?

What did Jesus do?

In thinking about this question again, I had a “Duh!” moment: Why not look at Jesus’ example? (I know: What a novel thought!) Here it is:

And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, “My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as You will.”
He went away again a second time and prayed, saying, “My Father, if this cannot pass away unless I drink it, Your will be done.”
And He left them again, and went away and prayed a third time, saying the same thing once more.

And He was saying, “Abba! Father! All things are possible for You; remove this cup from Me; yet not what I will, but what You will.”

He knelt down and began to pray, saying, “Father, if You are willing, remove this cup from Me; yet not My will, but Yours be done.” Now an angel from heaven appeared to Him, strengthening Him. And being in agony He was praying very fervently; and His sweat became like drops of blood, falling down upon the ground.

Matthew 26:36-46; Mark 14:32-42; Luke 22:39-46

Jesus really, really, REALLY wanted to avoid going to the cross, with its pain, suffering, rejection by His Father, and, finally, death. He was God’s beloved, eternal, divine Son, equal to the Father but choosing to live a human life in submission to Him. If anyone should have their request granted, it would be Him.

Didn’t happen.

Jesus knew that there was no other way. He, along with the Father and the Spirit, had planned this course since before the world began (1 Peter 1:20-21). The “cup” had been prophesied for centuries (Luke 24:25-27). He had been preparing for this moment His entire life, moving inexorably toward it and doing everything He could to prepare His disciples for the shock and grief (Matthew 16:21, Mark 8:31, Luke 9:22). If He didn’t go through with it, mankind would be forever lost, condemned with no hope. The infinite love of God could not let that happen, and Jesus knew that even as He prayed.

So… Why did He pray?

He was communicating with His Father.

Communication is not always simply giving information that the other person doesn’t already have, or asking for answers that I don’t already have. It’s more complex than that.

Don’t we often have conversations with friends or family where we are sharing and affirming things that both parties already have in common? Think of dissecting last night’s ball game, that everyone watched and where all agree that one player did great and another one flopped. Or think of crying together over the death of a loved one. It’s not new information or answers to questions that make the conversation meaningful. The shared time and thoughts reflecting back and forth are what turn a conversation from “news release” into “relationship”.

Jesus and His Father were closer than ever during that anguished prayer. The Father was just as anguished, but they both agreed on what they had chosen to do. The shared grief was an important factor in their relationship.

He was aligning His will with the Father’s.

Divine as He was, Jesus was also human, and afraid. Expressing His emotions and receiving encouragement from His Father (remember the angel coming to strengthen Him?) helped Him to gather the courage to finish His mission.

In the prayer that Jesus gave to His followers as a model, the first line asks for God’s kingdom to come and His will to be done; the last line ascribes “kingdom, and power, and glory forever” to Him. All of our requests fall within that framework. “Ask, and you will receive” (Matthew 7:7, John 16:24) always has an implied “Ask… according to God’s will.”

Jesus’ request to avoid the cross was not according to the Father’s will, and He didn’t really expect that it would be granted. But talking it out — actually, crying it out — helped Him to stay in alignment with that will.

God tells us to ask.

OK, so if what I ask is not God’s will, then the prayer helps me become more aligned and accepting of the “No” answer. In that case, why does God want me to pray for something that is according to His will? If it’s His will, wouldn’t He do it anyway, without me asking?

Again, we can look to Jesus as an example. A large part of His ministry was healing the sick, blind, deaf, lame, and demon-possessed. His ability to do so was a sign that He was who He said: The promised Messiah sent by the Father, with all the power of God at His disposal.

But I notice that He didn’t just walk down the street and suddenly everyone He passed was healed. He could have worked that way, but He didn’t. Instead, He healed those who came to Him.

I wonder how many missed their chance for healing simply because they didn’t ask for it?

Bottom Line

It seems that this enters back into that strange interweaving between God’s sovereignty and our own free will. He has a plan, knows what He wants, and foresees what we will choose. But He incorporates that choice into the plan. Our prayers blend with His providence to accomplish it.

I don’t pretend to understand how it works, but that is clearly what the Bible teaches (James 5:13-18). So I will continue to pray about things that concern me, ask for things I want, communicate with my heavenly Father, and allow Him to communicate back with me.

Note: Some similar articles on this site are “Why Pray“, “Will of God“, and “Why Bad Things Happen“.