It seems likely that in Eden before the Fall, Adam and Eve did not have arguments. Why would they? There was no sin, no rebellion, no ego, no competing interests. They were joined as one flesh, with one shared purpose to exercise their authority delegated from God to oversee His creation. They would have lived in harmony with God and with each other.

That is so foreign to our own experience that I have trouble fully imagining it!

Then…

The serpent said to the woman, “You surely will not die! For God knows that in the day you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and that the tree was desirable to make one wise, she took from its fruit and ate; and she gave also to her husband with her, and he ate.

Genesis 3:4-6

The First Argument

I can’t decide: Did their first argument wait until after they were kicked out of the garden? Or did it happen immediately? I’m inclined to think the latter:

“Why did you believe the serpent? You know what God said!”

“But the fruit looked so good! And knowing good and evil seemed like a good thing. Besides, you were there, and you ate it, too. You’re as guilty as I am. Maybe even more: You had heard from Him first hand. All I had to go on was your word!”

“Don’t go blaming me for your gullibility! What are you going to say to God when He comes this evening?”

“Don’t you mean what are WE going to say? Oh, no! We can’t let Him see us like this. We’re naked!”

“And whose fault is that? Come up with something to cover us!”

Then the argument about the best leaves (fig, apparently) for covering, and how to fasten them together. And the best hiding place, and whose fault it was that hiding didn’t work. And what to do with life in the outside world: How to grow food with all these thistles; doesn’t he realize how difficult childbearing is; why doesn’t she do what he says; why is he always so bossy; and so on…and on…and on.

They also immediately tried to deflect the blame away from themselves. Eve told God: “The serpent deceived me.” Adam even went so far as blame God: “The woman You gave to be with me, she gave me the fruit.” (Genesis 3:12-13, my emphasis added) Those were NOT the right answers!

The Root-Cause Sins: Self-Centeredness and Pride

And so, the Battle of the Sexes began. And not only that, but all of the battles between all human beings. All of our millennia of conflicts, all the way up to whatever atrocity is in the news today, began with that one choice, a choice we continue to make.

What choice is that? What it boils down to is the choice to be selfish, as well as the pride to want to be more than they really were. Both Adam and Eve decided that what they wanted at the moment was the most important thing in the world. It overshadowed their love and respect for the God who created them. Getting a taste of that fruit, and the enticing possibility of being like God, was given priority over their relationship with Him.

Of course, there was no way that Adam and Eve, or we as their descendants, could EVER be like God. That’s a ridiculous thought, that the creature could somehow catch up to the Creator, that the finite could approach the Infinite. If they had only stopped to think and recognize the deception, or if they had cared enough to take the question to God instead of simply disobeying, history would have gone much differently.

Those same two mistakes still drive our interactions to this day. We want what we want, when we want it, no matter what. And we keep thinking that we can drive the world the same as He does, that we can get along without Him. Wrong!

Arguments Still, For The Same Reasons Still

Let’s look at bit more at those two aspects of sin, self-centeredness and pride. We can see them entwined with almost every problem in our society. When one person’s self-centeredness and pride bumps into another’s, fireworks ensue (sometimes literally!)

Self-centeredness says that my wishes are the standard for how others are expected to interact with me. If I have something they want, too bad for them. It’s mine! But if they have something I want, then they should hand it over. Whether it’s a parking space, or a ball game, or an election, or international trade…If I don’t get what I want, then I feel entitled to pitch a fit and just take it.

No wonder one of the main commandments God gave us was “Don’t covet” (Exodus 20:17, Deuteronomy 5:21). Don’t look at my neighbor and compare my possessions or lifestyle with theirs. Their life and property are their own, and none of my business, regardless of whether they have more than I do. That commandment is often dismissed and ignored, because it strikes right where it hurts: Our selfishness.

Pride is similar. It says that I deserve to be accommodated. I have a right to expect others to defer to me because of my greater…what? Brilliance? Beauty? Wealth? Age (or youth)? Victimhood is a good one: If I have a problem with anything in my life or my past, if I have ever felt mis-treated, then the world has an obligation to make it up to me, forever. Somehow, I am sure that there must be a good reason why I should be moved ahead of someone else.

It’s no wonder, in that case, that Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew chapters 5-7) are so shocking. What does He mean, do more than required? Don’t fight back against an insult? Love my enemies? Do good even to those who aren’t good to me…and don’t make a show about it? Don’t look down at others and pick apart their flaws to show how superior I am? That’s unnatural!

It sure is, and that’s the problem. Sin comes naturally to us; love does not. That’s what we lost with Adam and Eve’s choice.

Someday: No Arguments

Thank God, though, that’s also what Jesus came to redeem. He came to give a way back to God, a way to look forward to a future with no arguments, where everyone again lives in harmony with God and with each other.

That is still foreign and hard to imagine. But I can’t wait!